Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
