I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
