____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
