He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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