In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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