the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
