Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
