You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
