it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
