I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
