I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
As shirtless as possible
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
