Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
