the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
