whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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