But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
