DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
