I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
