no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
