epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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