I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize