btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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