Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
