I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
