I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
