Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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