glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize