i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
