Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
