we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize