I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
