you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize