I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
