I cannot find my penis.
one two three fourrrrnication!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
