I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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