how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
