At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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