my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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