I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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