Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
