Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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