You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
YAS. BRING CRAB.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
