i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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