So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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