I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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