Where is the hickey?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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