So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
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