apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
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