I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
