First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
