I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
