There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
