xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
