She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
