the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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