i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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