But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
