i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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