he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize