my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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