I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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