Only a mothe r could love this liver
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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