The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
