I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
