Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just gargled with NyQuil
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize