the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
