I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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