im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
