We named our party play list daddy issues
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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