We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
