she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
