I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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