This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
