just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize