dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he fucked my hip out of place.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize