so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
