dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
When are your genitals available?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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